The Book of Diseases II: Paper Shoes
by Fallen Sky Singer
Summary: When a middle aged woman presents with symptoms that fill nearly every category out there, House and his team of ducklings must dig deep into a see no evil, hear no evil family and discover the true root of her illness.


Once upon a time there was a young girl who wrote a House fan fic called 'How Long Has This Been Going On?" Absolutely stunned by the appreciation she received, she promised to write another. Alas, life got in the way, but the promise always remained. Now, dear friends... I present to you... Numero Deuce of the Book of Diseases!

"It's the monkey! Run from the monkey you fools!"

"House, what are you doing?"

He glanced up from his computer screen long enough to identify the rather irate looking woman before him as Lisa Cuddy.

"I," He said, turning his attention back to the computer monitor. "Am doing serious medical studies."

"You're watching 'Outbreak'..." Cuddy pointed out as she sneaked around his desk to watch. "That's not a medical study."

"No, but it's serious... THE MONKEY! WATCH OUT FOR THE MONKEY!"

"You have clinic duty."

"I'd rather watch this and develop a cure for Ebola..."

"House..."

"Let me rephrase that, I'd rather go bungee jumping without a safety harness."

"Clinic hours..."

"Gagged with a thousand spoons? No? What about joining a fight club But we can't talk about it if I do, you just need to accept that I'm part of a fight club, not that I am, because we don't talk about fight club."

"Just get to the clinic." Cuddy had turned her back and was already walking out the door of the office.

'She's either given up, or convinced that I'll actually do what she says...' House leaned back in his chair as his turned off his monitor; feeling all the bones creak in his body, he wondered if he could convince a nurse to kick away his cane so he could claim a pain day. His eyes wandered to the top of his monitor where a small beaded lizard, no larger than a Canadian Tooney sat with it's legs hanging over the edge. A gift, one of the few he received from patients. It had not been given as so much of a thank you present, but more as a reminder not to be an idiot.

He named the lizard Jimmy Hoffa, just because he wanted to. No questions asked. And Jimmy had been sitting very placidly on the monitor for almost four months with no word from his creator. At least nothing House had heard.

"Hey," Wilson popped randomly out of no where, or so it seemed. "Cuddy says 'Clinic Duty.' She didn't say a name and I tried to point out that it was a fragmented sentence but she wouldn't hear anything of it. I can only assume she meant you."

"No I'm fairly certain she was making reference to Cameron."

"Really? So the big note posted at the nurses station in the Clinic that says "HOUSE IS IN TODAY" in big bold letters is just a freak coincidence?"

House nodded solemnly, "Poor Cuddy, she never could tell me from Cameron. It's an easy mistake to make, after all my hair is very silky smooth."

"She meant you."

"No, I'm fairly certain she didn't."

"She says there's a special person waiting for you down there."

"Oh well in that case I had better get a move on." House didn't move, he remained perfectly stationary, staring at Wilson. After a moment he said, "See, I was being sarcastic. By saying 'I had better get a move on' and not moving a muscle, I was using a type of dramatic irony."

"There's nothing ironic about it. Ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife, _that's_ ironic."

"No, Alanis Morissette's career is _ironic_."

"Ba-dum chsh." Wilson rolled his eyes, "Just get down there."

Reluctantly, House ventured down to the clinic, but not before making two bathroom trips and a coffee stop.

"Hello sick people!" House flung his arms up in dramatic flare, "I'm here to make you better. Don't all crowd now, there's plenty of Doctor House to go around! Just call me the Messiah of Medicine, the God of get well, the Allah of the Ailing! Come forth patients and you shall be healed!" A nervous looking nurse brought the first file forward and forced it into House's hands before scuttling away. With little interest he opened it and scanned across the name.

For a moment he was unable to speak and then, "Jennifer Kendall."

xXx

"What are you doing here?"

"Is that anyway to treat your most favorite patient ever?" Jenny looked well. She wasn't pale, and she no longer looked sickly pale, although she was still a frightening slender young woman. Her blue eyes still twinkled with mischievous sarcasm, simply edging to get out. "What about the small talk? The insulting? Am I actually to believe that you've gained a bed side manner?"

"You've gotten fat." It was the only retort he could think of.

Jenny scowled, "_Someone_ frequently told me that I was underweight during my first stay here. I'm fives pounds off from being 'normal'."

"Weight isn't going to make _you_ normal."

"Sarcasm isn't going to make _you_ funny, yet here we are."

"Touche." House admitted, "So what are you doing here?"

"They told me to come back and get my blood tested." Jenny explained.

"Yeah, every month. Did your watch break or does time not exist in Canada?"

"Oh well, way up north we live by the sun." Jenny rolled her eyes, "And being winter, the days are shorter, so you see, four months to you is like a week and a half to me."

"Well in that case, you're early, go home."

"Clearly you're in a wonderful mood today, so lets just get the blood sample taken and I can go." She rolled up her sleeve and presented a long arm for House to take the sample.

"Some pirates been stringing you up, recently? Stretching your bones a bit?" House pulled a carefully sealed syringe out of the drawer.

"If you're asking me if I've grown, yes. Last time you saw me I was pretty much a huddle mess though. Apparently family is good for a person."

"What about that kid? Steven?"

"Spencer, sweet bajeebus, how many times do you have to be corrected before you get it right?"

"I got it the second time," House replied with a wicked grin as he found a rubber band and tied it around her arm. "I just like watching him squirm."

"Ouch!" Jenny winced as House prodded her arm with the needle until finding a proper vein.

"And why aren't you getting this done in BC?"

"I thought I'd make the trip out just to bug you," Jenny turned her head as the blood squirted from her arm into the small glass tube. "Why are you so cranky? Usually you have witty remarks for every other thing a person says."

"I do, I'm just so fast, you miss them."

"No, see, I got that one."

"Which one?" House asked, "The sarcastic explanation or the one about your mother and the army boots?"

"You never said..."

"Yes I did. Just too fast. Take that, Superman." He pulled the needle out and quickly found a cotton ball to press over the small pin prick.

"There, that wasn't so bad. Now, off with ye, scalliwag."

Jenny sighed and hopped off of the examination table, "I'm in Jersey for a couple weeks, if there's anything wrong with me test results, I gave the nurse all my current information."

"You've been taking your Cortisol and Florinef?"

"Mm-hmm," Jenny nodded, "And eating lots of pretzels."

"Then you should be fine, lay off the pretzels though, fatty."

"Rich coming from the man that's developing a beer belly."

"'Rich'? You always manage to bring food into it, don't you?"

Jenny chuckled, "That's the House I know."

xXx

"Gary, I don't want to go back there... I'm tired of Brazil, can't we stay here just for a few months?"

"Susan, it's my job, I'm a researcher, I study the forest... Besides, Alan and Anna love it there..."

"Mommy, mommy, I don't feel well..."

"Hush dear," Susan was too much engrossed with the miniature fight she and her husband were undergoing, and Anna was always feeling sick. "We could stay with my parents..-Three months, that's all I'm asking. Let the kids get to know this part of the world for just a while."

"Alan," Gary turned his attention to the young red-headed boy sitting in front of the tv. "Don't you want to go back to Brazil."

"Meh,"

"Gary, don't bring the kids into this! This is our conversation!"

"Mommy-!"

"Not now, Anna... Gary, I want to stay here. I want to have time with my parents, they're getting older and I need to take care of them!"

"What about me? What about the kids? What about what we want!"

"This is all about what _you_ want, not what the kids want! And if we're playing the selfish game, what about what _I_ want? I've been following you on these crazy expeditions for years!"

"Susan... Susan, are you alright?"

"What are you talking about? I'm fine..." The words seemed to jumble up inside of her mind as she tried to speak.

"Just sit down honey..." Her husbands voice was fading away, but his lips were still moving. Was he talking? Anna was still pulling on the bottom of her skirt, trying to gain her attention, but there was a different look on her face... It wasn't a selfish look, it was one of concern. And Alan, he was getting up, but why was he walking sideways?

She felt herself hit the floor, the last thing she saw before blacking out was her husband diving to her side.

A/N: Those of you expecting another Jenny fic, sorry, she won't have another big role until one, maybe two stories later. I plan on bringing back the old OC of the previous fic at the beginning of the new one... Besides, I loved Jenny too much, she had to come back just for a visit!


End file.
